don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
