my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
