We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
