From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
