Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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