Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
