You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
