Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
