so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Randomize
