Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
