if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Im part way to drunk.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
