I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
