omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
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