found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
