she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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