i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
God, you're like boner-b-gone
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
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