Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
