The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
