Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
