I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
