he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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