there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
