He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
