best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
