my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I need water and some morals
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
