I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I am spending my child support on dildos
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
