Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
