i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
