i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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