A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
