VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
