i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
