He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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