I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
then he tried to convert me to islam
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
