My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
