Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
You made out with two different species that night
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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