He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Randomize
