Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
