okay pat passed out under dana's car
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
