Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
