I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
