My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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