It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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