my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
