I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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