worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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