i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
