I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Randomize
