Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I just gargled with NyQuil
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
