Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
