Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
God gave him joint rollers for hands
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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