Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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