dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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