How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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